Friday, June 12, 2009

Another reason to look forward to Christmas

Lately, I've been having as much sex as the next below-average-sexytime-having person.

Sure, I can legitimately blame it on being too tired (I recently adopted an intense month-long exercise regime that has me waking up at the crack of dawn) or being too busy (I also play my fair share of team sports during the week and eat my fair share of dinners at restaurants that include much wine, which also makes this fall into the category of 'being too tired') but I hate using any kind of crutch I can get.

"Baby, it's normal don't worry, I'm very much into you and we have a very healthy sex life," Daddy reassured me (oh yeah, anyone else sick of hearing this? I'm sure you are. And I'm sure by now you're also like, "get over it and don't make the poor guy reassure you every single minute of the day" or "get a vibrator and shut it - your mouth, that is") as we went to bed, sans sex.

I managed to fall asleep despite my mind-says-yes-but-body-says-no mood and dreamed about frolicking with two extremely buff Ginch Gonch models while a fluffy long-haired Chihuahua hungout on the floor.

WTF, I know - I don't even like Chihuahuas!

This is what happens when my body is devoid of synthetic hormones (read: birth control pills), my boyfriend's big pen 15 and a decent seven hours of sleep each night.

To make matters worse, Daddy's planning a camping trip with just him and B-dawg, thus leaving me all to my lonesome self at home, sans any pen 15. Real or manufactured.

"No way, I don't want you to get a vibrator! What if it replaces me one day!?" Daddy exclaimed (half joking...or not, I dunno - still can't figure that one out), after we had that eventful day in Gay District after which, I asked him if I could get a little (ok, least seven inches) present for myself.

That's totally not fair that I can't get one, I pointed out.

"Nope, sorry, no can do. I can't approve that one."

That night, my girlfriend and I had a rapid texting session that went something like this:

Me: I'm not allowed to get a dildo! wtf.
Her: What!? Rick&I jst used one now - so intense had to stop! teehee
Me: Dude ur nt helpn the situation
Her: srry. k so ur nt allowed to buy1 4urself or jst nt allowd to hav1?

I replayed the convo in my head.

Me: he sed i cnt buy1 4myself
Her: woo! i know wt im gettin u for xmas!

Suppose we found a loophole to Daddy's rule that night. Then again, that means I have to wait half a year!


  1. Ah, just give me your address and I'll play Benevolent Guardian.

    Just because you called him 'my boyfriend' for the first time EVER instead of daddy, daddy, daddy... (and he calls you 'baby' too? Hot...)

    (Can you tell I'm just jealous that I don't have a cute young girl to call me Daddy?)

  2. Oh boy Christmas can't come soon enough lol.


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