PMS - putting up with men's shit? how about my own?

PMS sucks.

Duh, you're probably thinking. Even guys (well, most anyway) know this to be true.

Reasons Why PMS Sucks

Water retention hurts. This fabulous size 4, tube-style zip-up, tailored dress (read: very fitted) I bought from H&M (which, by the way, has the dumbest website ever -- you can't find anything on there!) that fit me amazingly two weeks ago was a self-esteem blundering nightmare to zip up today. Day 2. And alright, I admit I probably consumed about 2500mg of sodium from my Quizno's lunch and had way too much sugar and refined carbs from discounted Halloween candy, so I doubt that helped. Speaking of not helping, after struggling to zip me up with all his manpower, Daddy squinted at my armpits and pointed out that I "should probably do something about that 'bit of flesh' that's spilling out over top of that dress".

I want to eat everything. Well, almost everything - I still hate steak. That being said, we spent $10 today on 50% off Halloween candy and I didn't feel bad. Coffee crisp is the sugary carbohydrate-y equivalent of heaven. But after an awesome dinner of mashed yams, stuffing and chicken and more stuffing, the insanely naggy craving of a chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream hit me and wouldn't leave. Like right now, even though I'm full of green tea, my stomach still tells me there's room for a five-tiered chocolate cake with a side of vanilla bean ice cream.

The roller coaster that is my libido. Sometimes, I swear I could rape my fiance, roll over and go to bed like a happy puppy. Other times (like this time), I couldn't care less for sex and would rather lay in bed checking my Twitter Feed or play a riveting game of Word Mole on my Blackberry.

Swingers. No, not that. I mean my moods. I swear, women are naturally bi-polar because of PMS. One minute I can feel elated over the silliest thing and then the next minute my mood swings to the other end of the wide spectrum and I'm either feeling bummed out and hugging B-Dawg or really melancholy like I've stacked a whole pile of narcotics and just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. And then I'll throw in my own narcotic cocktail of Midol or Pamprin with a side of Diurex.

Anyone else? Feel free to add in the comments...