Thursday, October 22, 2009

Digital-aged pickup lines, living with single ladies and Cleveland Steamers

Beyonce's "all the single ladies" song is dancing around in my head right now....I recently spent a full week living at my gf's place with her roomie, both of whom are single ladies in Toronto.

And let me tell you, the dating game is all about hustling. Drinks after work on Friday, dinner on Saturday, coffee on just goes on and on and on. I don't understand it and nor will I ever and I'm glad. And on top of that, you have to keep up with your texting/Blackberry Messengering and play mind games while you're at it.

It's insane, non? And expensive.

The other night we were out at some posh place, trying to wine and dine just the three of us and a pile of older looking men (nearing middle-age older) ended up sitting beside us. And trying to run their game on us. And me being the non-singleton, I quickly found UberTwitter a whole lot more interesting than any of those guys at the table, but of course, they ended up buying us a round of shots, tried to be funny and talk about stupid crap that no one really gives a shit about and tried to get at least one number from the three of us. $150, two hours for a 1 outta 3 chance wouldn't be so bad, right?

Of course, they proved unsuccessful because they were clearly too old for us and/or just not rich enough for some of us (LOL, I jest, but in many cases, yes it's the truth!).

But some key takeaways, nonetheless:
  • "Hey, can I have your email address? What's your email address, give it to me and I'll email you" is NOT a good pick-up line. No, you will most likely end up not getting the email address you are requesting and ultimately will not get laid from uttering verbal garbage.
  • "Hey, I own an automobile dealership...BMW, Porsche, Audi, want a car? I can get you a car, what's your number, I drive a 911 Carerra" is also NOT a good pick-up line. You're a car salesman, just tell it like it is, I'd have more respect for you that way rather than dance around the subject of your occupation. And no, informing me of what type of car you drive will not win you a bang in the backseat of said vehicle.
  • Talking about the various nicknames of various ways to ejaculate on women is also NOT a good way to win her over. Ladies, run the other way if you hear phrases such as "The Cleveland Steamer", "Abraham Lincoln", "The Spitroast and "The Spider"....


  1. That's pretty funny...
    How is it that guys think that that stuff works? With the ability to evolve, why haven't they?!

  2. hahahahahaha you said cleveland steamer!!!

  3. Oh gross!

    And funny.

    Grossly funny?


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