Friday, May 15, 2009

Flatulence is a fabulous deterrent

It's almost midnight, I'm sitting at the computer in a long pink see-through tank top with no underwear on and blogging about it while I wait for the bf to complete level 6.1 of Resident Evil 5. I'm on my 61st minute waiting. Planning. Salivating. go in for the kill.

Yes, I'm sorry I let everyone down. I can't take another day without sexytime. He even tantalized me with the prospect of penile penetration when we were building shelves in the storage unit of in our building (which, by the way, is one of the coolest places to do it 'cuz it's all dungeony and scary and someone could be watching but it'd probably be some pyscho killer or crazed pervert, which, come to think of it, isn't so sexy afterall but I dig the dungeon-scary bit).

"Yah, I'm actually really turned on right now, I'll f*& you when we get back into the apartment, pass me the drill, thanks," he said as he patted my butt, which I had once again sidled up against his nether region. 

I really can't behave myself for one minute when I'm around him. It's kinda sad but kinda cool, I suppose. It's been like, almost three years now and doesn't the flame stop a'flickering around now? To say that we have a great relationship and awesome sex life is an understatement. I mean, honestly, we probably have sexytime like three to four times a week. He says that's way more than the average couple.

"But we're not average," I exclaimed, remembering all those times he engaged me in Anthony Robbins-speak, "and why do we even have to compare ourselves to anyone else?", as I slowly put my arms around his waist and pulled him closer into me, "it's just us in here..."

PFFFFFFFTTTTTTGHHHHHRHRHHH. Shit, I can't even type out what that sounded like but it was the wettest most peach-fuzz-on-your-face raising display of flatulence I'd experienced all month, and worse, I was backed into a corner of the storage unit and the only way out was to walk through the nuclear cloud.

And I did. And it was disgusting. And he thought it was uber funny. And now that I've replayed this entire scenario in my head, I think I'm good for the night and will be heading to bed right now. Sexless for a second time.

And glad.


  1. Your boyfriend is a games player, and you said 'uber'...

    Might be my new favourite couple.

    I guess photos of your hot sex life would be out of the question?

  2. Yep. That'd do it.

    No thank you, mister. Keep movin.

  3. Just found your blog and I love it!!

  4. Sebastian, I suppose if I'm out of a job, the photos thing might be a great idea for income...

    and thanks Briana!


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