Saturday, May 23, 2009

Of Loving and Loathing

A strange thing happened yesterday...I did not blog! And rightfully so, I was totally slammed with too many meetings and too much fretting on my mind. A blog is a great way to release...I'm no good at talking, but with my fingers, I can work mental, cathartic wonders. That's what he said. Actually, no wait, he didn't say that. That would be kinda icky if he did. What he did say is "that site is awesome!".

Things That I'm Loving

--- #1

Http:// .... more specifically, the Fellatio section. Thank YOU, Seb!

--- #2

The fact that I have to film an audition tape and send it in. My agent called yesterday.

"I've got a feature film for you. They want you to send in an audition tape. Sounds pretty good, you get to travel the world, literally. And sky dive," came the sex phone operator voice. My agent (like the bazillion of them out there) used to be an actress and always uses her sex phone op voice when she comes a-calling. I think that's why I really like hearing from her. That and the fact that she brings news that's equivalent of a purchasing a lottery ticket.

Auditioning for a movie or commercial is one of the big roller coaster life experiences one can experience, all in a matter of 24 hours. First, you get the call. Your agent sells you the dream like a sales girl sells an assortment of ribbed and flavoured condoms at the Rainbow Condom store ("It'll be sooo amazing, you're gonna rock it like a rockstar, baby"). Then you get your sides (film lingo for script) and spend the next couple of hours (or if you're an h-core-actor-douche-going-nowhere-fast, you call in sick at your evening restaurant shift job, park your ass at a coffee shop and meditate for the next 24 hours over your sides) trying to memorize someone else's words but trying to make them your own. Then you drive to your audition, clammy hands, tight throat and think about the stakes. If it goes well and you land the role, you could be a movie star! If you f&$# up, it's back to your mundane, regular-person life. But for the next 24 hours, you get to day dream about what life would be like if you were one of them.

There's this saying..."Buying a lottery ticket is like buying a dream for a a week". Same thing with auditions, only much shorter and much more depressing. Especially when you walk into the waiting room and instantly realize you are one of 200 other girls who fit the character breakdown of "20-something, gorgeous and flirty, with a daring side" or "25 year-old girl-next-door type".

And then you take a seat amongst the herd and wonder, where the f#%@ did all these f#%@ing hoes come from? And worse, you come to the realization that you actually fall into the category of "these f#&@ing hoes".

"What's the pay?", I ask.

"$25,000 including agents fees. It's only 10 days of filming. You'd be traveling to Scotland, Dubai and a ton of other places. They cast in LA, so I'll need to submit your audition tape" she purred.

Amidst my rapid drooling, I managed to tell her to sign me up and that I'd have the audition tape for her stat. I'm highly motivated by money and 25g's for 10 days of work sounds just fine by me. And in a few hours, I am off to film my audition. Fingers crossed!

--- #3

The fact that Ardell makes the best false eyelashes ever. I'm currently sporting their demi-lashes, 120. They're actualy pretty expensive over in Canada so next time I head over to the US I'll be sure to stock up!

--- #4

Brainstorming a going away+birthday present for my girlfriend who's moving to a different city in less than a week! My guy friend, AA and I are going shopping after work for her, with a planned pitstop at BeBe where "this hot Asian chic works", which is typically code-speak (really blatant code speak) for "you're my Wing Woman so get your game face on and help a brutha out!".

The last time I played wing woman, the girl actually ended up expressing more interest in me than in AA and spend the entire evening trying to get to know me better. I felt bad about that and vowed to be a better Wing Woman from that point on.


I'm losing weight! .... from my boobs = (

Happy weekend everyone!


  1. You're welcome... I've spent way too long on that site, trying to work out which positions I've tried and which ones I haven't -- and in which case, I need to find a suitably flexible girl to try them on!

    What're you gonna do for the audition tape? Or, as the case may be, what DID you do?

  2. Good luck on the audition! That would ROCK!!!

  3. Hey thanks everyone!

    @Seb, we (sis and I) filmed two scenes, one scene where I'm approach the lead with an onslaught of investigative reporter questions but still being flirty and nice. Another scene is where I'm about to skydive for the first time in my life and two skydivers are trying to freak me out.

    It's actually due next Friday so I think I'll send it into my agent for critique and re-do it.

    fingers crossed!

  4. Hey, totally just checked out the arthur kade site ... Total DOUCHE. OMG.

  5. And hey ... just thought ... when will you hear about the part? :)

  6. ah! Haven't sent it in. Agent said it's actually due this Friday so I may submit for critique and fit in a re-shoot before Friday.

    Will probably hear back next week! I never get my hopes up with any audition lol.. I have a better chance winning the lottery.

  7. OMG, good luck! Also, where in the states can I get these eyelashes?

  8. Thanks Em!

    The lashes you can get @Target, Walmart, etc in the US... over here Walmart, London Drugs and Superstore should have them though 120 is so popular, LD usually has a steady supply!

  9. Good luck!!!! Want to youtube your audition tape and share it for us to critique? lol.

    I noticed my boobs are getting smaller too...why is that the first place we seem to lose??? Urgh!!!


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